2 Monthiversary - A Creative Reformation of the Church

Here we are.

8 weeks since St. Paul’s First Lutheran Church chose to leverage their social status over me rather than get to know me.

In my observation there is a fair amount of scandal under-the-rug sweeping given their performative offer to expand their AntiRacist awareness. The congregation remains conflicted. I have not forgotten. Hope remains. Still, I invite a dialogue, & You can help me keep that dialogue going!!

Listen to this creative call to action I am extending to all Creators as I continue to hold church institutions accountable to their AntiRacist development. Please share with a handful of artist friends of all types.

Below are my audio visions as well as a PHENOMENAL LookBook (created by the incredible Monica Pendergrass) which includes a creative Easter egg you won’t find in my narrated footage.

PART 1 - A Declaration of Worth

PART 2 - I Am. The Soul of America

PART 3 - The Church Found Me

1 Monthiversary with St Paul's First Lutheran Church - UPDATES

Let’s commit to thinking beyond society’s habit of forgetting our historical pattern of racial prejudice. The trauma of my experience means I won’t forget. The prevalence of racism dictates that neither should you. So please help me as I hold the church accountable to their Anti-Racist development.

Aug 4th marked 4 weeks since I was forcibly asked to leave the grass of the church yard.

Detailed below is my accountability progress since then as well as the first month’s action item.

CHURCH UPDATES;

-Members from St. Paul First Lutheran hosted their 2nd book club Sunday night on Aug 2nd. They are reading “I’m still here; Black Dignity In a World Made for Whiteness” by Austin Channing Brown, a Black woman with a Christian evangelical upbringing. I am not familiar with this work but applaud their intention to learn. They plan to continue these bookclub discussions every other Sunday for the foreseeable future.

-There are 2 factions among members of the congregation. I’m sure you can predict the ideological division; those who feel persecuted, and the newly awoken ally-enthusiasts. That overlap also runs across partisan lines in the ways that you would anticipate.

-As for the church itself, I have not made any efforts to engage directly. Neither have they. Not since I attended their services on July 12th.

-Nor have I heard from the individuals documented within my video.

I’m experiencing my share of trauma, I imagine that they are as well. I can allow time for that. They’re hurting, so I don’t think they should be wrongly persecuted as long as they’re willing to learn how to be kinder to their community. There’s help available if they want it.

-I was informed that a Black minister from Ohio who does conferences on racial bias sensitivity training has been invited to speak to the congregation. I would love to know more about this invited guest to better understand his approach. From what I understand that service will be mandatory for all school faculty, students, & church workers - church congregants are also invited to attend. There will be an opportunity for an open forum & discussion. I choose to grant them privacy as they learn more about themselves among familiar voices they feel safe with. I simply hope they will welcome me to one of these discussions at some point down the road.

-I was invited to join the Public Safety Meeting hosted by Noho neighborhood council, lead by the pastor of the other Lutheran church in the area, Saint Mathew’s (ELCA). I joined the discussion on race & policing and voiced concerns for the unhoused within the community.

Continuing the dialogue is the only way to arrive at solutions to the nation’s existent problems.

ACTION ITEM

In the meantime, I had a thought;

In honor of our one month-iversary relationship with Saint Paul’s First Lutheran church, let’s send them some encouragement on their journey toward AntiRacist success. We can save 2 birds with one stamp by also assisting the ailing national postal system. So, I propose we buy a book of stamps & send postcards with positive cheer and affirmative encouragement. Ideally postmarked by Monday Aug10th, hopefully that will be in time for their next book club. Honestly, when it arrives matters less than the fact that you sent it.

Let’s give everyone at the church something to be proud of as they continue on their AntiRacist path.

Let’s invite them in as we offer our support as a community.

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~Alex Marshall-Brown

A Declaration to the Church

This is the July 12, 2020 speech I gave with NOHO4BLM after attending the 9am services at St. Paul’s First Lutheran church.

I am going to express myself. For an opportunity to process my experiences & a chance to be seen & understood. My message is still for you. If there is anything you don’t understand, I hope that an ally you know will learn from my patience and make efforts to help you comprehend my pain.

This is a request that the church step down from its pulpit to listen to the congregation of the world. It’s a world of the oppressed. The church as an institution has been an oppressor. The church is also completely capable of redemption, but Only in an actively AntiRacist society.

It is possible to live in a world with justice & mercy. But until there is justice there will be no peace because citizens of the world have been abused. So, I encourage us to actively commit to changing that.

I would like to breathe freely in a world where no matter where I go I can enter a church, and know that god’s house was also my home. I want to feel safe in all churches while existing in my blackness here in America.

I invite the church to build initiatives to help the community. I hope they are more aware of how their fear of me was the product of a church sanctioned tradition of sending the homeless and mentally ill away - those most in need of their care.

I also invite local communities to build more resources for this church, so that those who may not feel supported within the congregation can grow with someone beyond those walls to ask difficult, potentially shame-inducing questions, and know they will be received with love. There will be someone here that they can lean on.

I want to build a bridge that links every church with AntiRacist initiatives that bonds them more with their community.

—-

THE ADVENTURE

A week and one day ago this nation celebrated its Independence. I had recently moved out of my North Hollywood home and travelled to Oxnard to distantly visit with family. Given the rising Covid-19 numbers and in concern for all of our health, they kindly put me up in the Residence Inn down the street. On the evening of the 4th of July, I was learning about the failed revolution of The Reconstruction era & how The Lost Cause of the Confederacy was designed to erase & negate the black experience by corrupting America’s educational system. I relearned all of this in a post-Floyd-Pandemic-world from my room as firework bombs burst in the air all across the privileged greenery of my hotel golf course…

LA Times

All of my life I’ve been sitting in the grass while black.

Buzzfeed

This is a report on my experiences at Saint Paul’s First Lutheran church, before my return the following day in discussion with church leaders.

To All Americans; Weather the Storm

Thoughts shared with Love

Returning to the Site of my abuse

Written July 9, 2020

Warrior at church by the tree of tresspass.

Thank you Allies!!

Faced with injustice you put this Institution on notice and they are LISTENING. You’ve done a phenomenal job expressing your rage and my soul quakes in gratitude. Your rage is also absolutely justified. What I experienced at St Paul First Lutheran church is now seared into my existence.

I went back to that church yesterday. I sat with friends and strangers who were concerned for me & committed to this fight. The church leaders invited me inside and shared their sorrow at the circumstances. They admitted to a prevalence of racist white supremacist views within their congregation, across several diocese, and across Christianity as a whole. That was an extremely courageous admission on their part and I commend them for their honesty. Those church leaders also promised me that they will educate themselves further on the Antiracist movement as they self assess, reform, & lovingly usher their congregation into this new AntiRacist era. I acknowledge the difficult journey ahead of them, yet remain so proud of their willingness to do so.

I believe the apology I received from the leadership in this church.

Time will tell whether they commit to the AntiRacist education that they have promised me they will. Now that they are listening, I invite everyone to contact them with a more nuanced compassionate messaging. Yes, volunteers of this church presented themselves to me expressing deep unconscious biases favoring racism. They earned our ire. However, I reminded the church leadership that to be labelled a racist does not have to be a condemnation. It is an opportunity for self assessment. Those racist-presenting people exist on a spectrum of racism. Most people do. Racism is part of the DNA of this nation and we are all a product of our environment. However, presenting racist qualities does not have to be a condemnation as long as you are willing to reform & remain staunchly committed to the AntiRacist fight. The leaders of this church promise me that they are.

I’ve heard of allies planning to return to St Paul First Lutheran for this Sunday’s services at 9a and 11a. I plan to be in attendance outside, & perhaps I will join them if they will have me, wearing a mask of course. Instead of protest, let’s offer St Paul First Lutheran a support community as we welcome them back to their church. Still bring your signs. Honk your horns. None of our messaging needs to change, because we have done no wrong asking to be heard. May they see us & hear us expressing our SUPPORT as they embark on their journey. They heard our concern at their racist-presenting behavior (again, not a condemnation). I am truly so grateful to be Heard. Now, let them know we acknowledge their COURAGE as they face the hard work of growth through self reflection. I will be there to support them in that.

They can re-emerge from their church and return to the world receiving love from their community as they actively pursue their AntiRacism.

That’s the Growth that matters.

Churches should teach their congregations that the coded language behind All Lives Matter is not a political stance. It is a moral one. Churches can not turn a blind eye to their moral obligation to protect those who suffer. Those who are oppressed. All church establishments are encouraged to shift their identities in defense of the moral right. Call out corruption and racist views with compassion. Call it out within others, and especially within oneself. Grow in Antiracist awareness.

Defend the oppressed and the disenfranchised.

All of us on this earth bear witness to the systemic struggles of others from day to day. Spread AntiRacist love to people who need it. Spread Antiracist love to those who don’t know they need it.

You’re either actively AntiRacist or you’re Lost.

This will be true for the rest of our lives.

Be a witness & spread the AntiRacist word.

Hold everyone to account.

Media News & Coverage of Events

This is steadily culled from multiple sources

A Black Lady in the church grass

Written July 7, 2020

So this is currently happening.

I'm sitting in a church yard in noho- across from Tujunga tennis courts. I'm on a blanket in the grass working on my laptop with my notebook out.

Some Noho bike cops ride up to tell me that I'm advised to leave because they got a call that I'm trespassing on private property. There’s no fence, no sign. I’m 8ft away from the sidewalk.

I tell them this is a church.

I tell them I was here earlier this week.

I remind them how ridiculous this request is considering I'm clearly & unobtrusively sitting on grass.

I thank them for doing their jobs. I go nowhere.

Neither do they.

I ask them; next steps?

They say the person who made the call may be inclined to call the Cop cops.

I point out how silly it would be for them to call the cops for a person sitting on grass. Whoever called could just come outside and speak with me directly.

I tell both those latinX men that I get that they are following directions from their boss, but given the way the world is shifting, they should also question how their boss supports racist systems.

They stayed and watched me sit on grass for a while longer as I got back to work. Then they rode away.

Lying in wait for the cops to roll through now. I've seen several drive by since then.

Then these gentlemen walked up!!

(Yes, please share! Yelp, call, & disrupt this racist behavior)

Just after this I had friends appear out of Nowhere to sit with me across the street and bear witness to my experience. I’m so grateful for all of you that joined me!!! We are Legion!!! Thank you to everyone else that reached out to make sure I was ok. I’m brimming over with your show of support.

What a weird world.

This church earned all the negative attention they’re receiving.

WWJD means nothing to them.

—-

St Pauls First Lutheran Church of the Wisconsin Evangelical Lutheran Synod

(818) 763-2892

https://stpaulsfirst.org

CHURCH EMAIL: church@stpaulsfirst.org

FLOOD THEIR INBOX.

https://www.facebook.com/stpaulsfirstc/

https://m.yelp.com/biz/st-pauls-first-lutheran-church-north-hollywood

This first video is the full length version of what I experienced.

This second video is the edited version my friend posted to TikTok

TYT Network did a great job of breaking down the experience and identifying the absolutely terrifying moments of my exchange on the lawn of St. Paul’s First Lutheran church.

To Embark on a Journey Interrupted

On the first of July I moved out of a home that I shared with dear friends of mine for the past 7 years.

I packed my belongings in storage, loaded my car up with my camping gear, and will now venture into populated Nowheres as I confront my insignificance in the universe, traveling while black in America & truly socially distance for the foreseeable future.

First stop;

Grand Canyon.

Destroy Fallacy of Independence Day. Celebrate Juneteenth

July 4, 2020

[UnHappy not Juneteenth Day!]

This is a fantastic review of our American history post civil war, resulting in the incomplete revolution of the Reconstruction era. This clip begins with the inception of southern revisionist history and the construction of confederate monuments in retaliation to Losing the war.

With every step toward equality the older generation's selfishness & oppression robs their children of wealth as we balance the scales towards equality.

Here's looking at you Boomers.

So You Want to Talk about Race

June 24, 2020

For those who believe that racism is solely a class issue;

"Often, when talking about issues of race, I will receive messages from white people stating that what I'm talking about is not about race because they, a white person, too suffer from said issue. 'Poverty cannot be about race if there are poor white people. Incarceration cannot be about race if there are incarcerated white people', and so on. Many WHITE PEOPLE, who themselves often suffer from the same hardships that many people of color suffer from, FEEL ERASED by discussions of RACIAL OPPRESSION. In contrast I'll also often hear from white people (often the very same white people) about successful black people that 'obviously debunk' the theory that hardships are race based. 'How can poverty be about race if Oprah exists? How can there be lack of representation in the entertainment industry when Beyonce wins all the awards?' Setting aside the fact that the racial exceptionalism of people of color does not detract from, but instead adds to arguments of racial inequality (because honestly we don't have to name a few successful white people to argue that they are doing comparatively well in society. There are enough that they don't even stand out). These arguments are a pretty extreme oversimplification of how racial oppression works.

Racial oppression is a broad and CUMULATIVE Force. It is not a system that puts all it's eggs in one basket, and racial oppression will interact with many other privileges and disadvantages to produce a myriad of effects.

SO yes, you can have a black athlete who won the genetic lottery, and combined it with a superhuman amount of dedication and then sprinkle him with a lot of luck, and he will turn into a professional superstar earning tens of millions of dollars a year. And YES, you can have a white man born to riches who loses everything he has in the stock market and winds up living in the streets. And you can have a beautiful white woman born with disabilities that set her at a distinct socioeconomic disadvantage. And an able bodied black woman who was able to claw her way to middle class comfort. But when it's all tallied up, the end result will still show more often than not, measurably different outcomes for people depending on race.

There are very few hardships out there that hit only people of color and not white people. But there are a lot of hardships that hit people of color a lot more than white people.

Just because something is about race does not mean it is ONLY about race. This also means that just because something is about race does not mean that white people can't be similarly impacted by it. And it doesn't mean that the experience of white people negatively impacted is invalidated by acknowledging that people of color are disproportionately impacted.

Disadvantaged white people are not erased by discussions of disadvantages facing people of color - just like brain cancer is not erased by talking about breast cancer. They are two different issues, with two different treatments, and they require two different conversations."

~Ijeoma Olou

Bathe in the Waters of our Reality

13th - Documentary by Ava Duvernay

Combining archival footage with testimony from activists and scholars, director Ava DuVernay's examination of the U.S. prison system looks at how the country...

White Fragility, by Robin DiAngelo

Listen to how she chats about her book and white life.

Michel Martin interviews Robin DiAngelo, author of "White Fragility," to talk about what she recognized as her own unconscious bias. An EXTENDED CONVERSATION...

Democracy No Longer Represents the People - Ted Talk by Lawrence Lessig

Harvard Professor Lawrence Lessig makes the case that our democracy has become corrupt with money, leading to inequality that means only 0.02% of the United ...

Live in Places that are a Reflection of You

---

RUCHIKA

TULSHYAN

“A rising tide lifts all boats.”

Organizations, leaders, teams, and communities all benefit when everyone has a seat at the table. Let’s make it happen together.

She specialized in building equitable work spaces, and balancing the systems of power that have been corrupted by whiteness and white supremacy.

OMG, there's Allies!!

June 10th, 2020

Re: The State Sanctioned murder of George Floyd

Dear Allies,

I am so enlivened by your enthusiasm and understandable outrage over the past week. This nation has been abused. Abused by the president, and abused by the institutions that have allowed him to come to power.

I am ELATED by the volume of people asking for information, seeking advice, & educating themselves on this nations’ bloody history.

A word of caution;

Do not confuse all of this self learning and discovery for the WORK that lies ahead of us. Yes, be informed! Question what you think you know and seek answers from a diverse group of sources (black people approved). That will give you clarity about why this fight is worth fighting for. Defending black bodies is to defend the inalienable rights of every disenfranchised group on this planet. Defending black bodies is an ongoing tooth and nail battle for basic universal human rights.

I respect and adore all the people I see coming together protesting in defense of #BlackLivesMatter. This is a valuable contribution. The whole world can see & agrees that this movement MATTERS!

Do not let this march be your sole contribution.

Becoming an ally in the fight for equality requires continued daily ACTIONS along with continued education. What you DO makes the difference. So, call your congressmen & your governors. Embark on difficult compassionate conversations with your loved ones. Take a vested interest in how your local government is structured. Recruit allies, change laws, stay healthy, & vote. Find creative ways to incite change within your circles of influence. If you read my letter to my high school then you know my stance on this global shift. As you continue to learn and let your voice be heard know that individuals, families, communities, businesses, cities, states, countries, & Institutions will all be forced to explicitly define their moral stance on our modern day social injustices. Hold everyone to account. Most of all yourself.

What can you do to make this work a daily habit? Who can you recruit to help you grow forward from here? Which businesses, relationships, institutions from your past can you apply pressure to to get them to not only declare #BlackLivesMatter but also hold them accountable for changing institutional policy and demand they contribute to influential community outreach?

None of the black bodies that you’re marching for needs or wants performative activism. Marching is not meant to make anyone feel better. The selfies at the march are not at all what the march is about. Don’t think that this is a fun get together and finally be social after months in isolation. Don’t think that because we marched we ‘showed them’. We’re in a pandemic & black bodies are still getting killed by law enforcement. What legislative policy and community engagement ACTIONS did you claim responsibility over?

What you stand for is ultimately a reflection of the power you exert over your guilt. Please know that I am not wishing guilt upon you. I know that our current circumstances are the result of white supremacist greed from our mutual past. I don’t blame any allies for our history. I ache for our shared historical trauma and I know that guilt happens to be one of the primary manifestations in my white allied friends. That’s ok. I love you still. Please don’t be consumed by it. Instead, use it to motivate you into ACTION, but don’t settle for a march or a contrite letter to a black friend to attain absolution.

Dismantle & reform institutions.

From now until your dying day - Vote.

A Plea for Compassion

June 9, 2020

Allies. Stop insulting the people whose minds you want to change. Or stop engaging with dead end convos.

We’re in the game of building bridges not burning them.

Be offended when someone is unkind to you, yes. But respond with compassion.

#CivilWarLetters2020

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Confronting Racism NPR

Systemic racism affects every area of life in the US. From incarceration rates to predatory loans, and trying to solve these problems requires changes in maj...

A Declaration to My High School Institution

June 5, 2020

This work is hard.

I’m so glad you’re here with me.

I wrote a very terrifying, but rewarding letter to my graduating class from my high school. It was a risk that was extremely rewarding.

So, I thought I’d share it with you if it helps you tackle your own journey. Take the parts that are useful for yourself.

May we all courageously embark in the Proselytization of Anti-Racism.

—-

To The Alumnae of My HS Graduating Class

Hello Everyone,

I hope you know why I’m here.

I hope you see me approaching you with kindness.

I love you, and I really truly cherish the memories I built with you all at __Insert Institution___. I can not compare that chapter of my life to anything that I’ve experienced since. I know that I am extremely fortunate and very privileged to have gone there & I am grateful at the joy of knowing you.

However, I must say;

This is an unfortunate reckoning.

There have been continual & blatant racial murders in my community.

Instigated by an authority that is funded by the state to Protect & Serve its citizens.

Our nation’s president chose to leverage the most recent tragedies as an opportunity.

Then the nation’s president unleashed the US military on civilians with tear gas & rubber bullets.

He enforced curfews as an excuse to terrorize American citizens, & deter them from their right to protest his abusive disregard for the sanctity of their human life. Enforcing a curfew that limits a civilians’ right to protest their systemic abuse, results in more black bodies arrested and documented into the very same system that was designed to keep them from becoming anything more than corporate chattel.

America’s president does All Of This during a global Pandemic.

And I gotta say, money’s been tight lately - & I’m exhausted from the mourning.

I hope you can forgive me when I say that our President’s tactical manipulation is offensive and intolerable. I additionally hope that you agree with me - but I also accept the very real possibility that you don’t.

____Insert Institution____ enjoys the luxury of boasting about me & my successes in their marketing materials. They have benefitted from that privilege for years. Please read the recent Alumnae Profile they did about me and you’ll get a glimpse of my unusual coming of age story, before & since my time there. ____Insert School___ and other institutions, for the entirety of my life, have bragged about me. I make them look good. I speak well, and I’ve got a face for minority grant money. I am “one of the good ones” in that way.

So, I am dismayed as I regret to inform you that I have noticed a disconcerting silence from ____Insert School___ in acknowledgement of the nationwide civil protests & in offering solidarity to the cause #BlackLivesMatter.

I also find it particularly irksome that twice this week I received a call from a student who was lead astray in the belief that this was an appropriate time to ask me to part with my money, in support of that institution.

I am incensed. The reasons for which I may elaborate upon, if you’d like to know, but this exchange is not intended for that.

I am asking you to please contact whomever needs to know at __Insert Institution___ that their messaging leaves much to be desired.

Please tell them, before I take it upon myself to do so.

I realize that this means that ___Insert Institution___ will have to confront the displeasure of their benefactors. I do hope that they are prepared to assess their moral stance in the matter. I hope they are prudent enough to listen and seek guidance from a coterie of people of color as they learn how best to navigate the matter. I truly hope that many among you are equally wise.

I believe that all institutions; educational, corporate, or otherwise will face a moral reckoning. So, I encourage everyone to affiliate themselves primarily with establishments that display bold, unabashed, and proactive ACTIVISM in the defense of Black Bodies.

The change that occurred in me between last week and this, is that my country’s President; the man who has always professed To Make America Great Again, chose to support an institution that has perpetually traumatized myself and my community - inflicting murder and constant bereavement. I hope you see that his mandate for ‘Law & Order’ is less in consideration of your safety, and more a tactic used to sow fear in everyone, but specifically within the black community. It is an excuse to terrorize, mutilate, and kill black bodies (much like mine) in his ineffectual desire to continually and avariciously exert his power. Which is very unAmerican & certainly not Christian. I cannot possibly know, but I imagine that he would spontaneously combust if he ever dared to step foot in church - his ACTIONS are that Reprehensible!

So now, given his continued pattern of abuse, I am compelled to shine a light into the abyss of this nation’s Complicity. I will yell into the dark anxiously listening as my every ‘Help’ echoes and reverberates off those cold indifferent walls. I will continue to express my displeasure until I see the places of my past acknowledge the world that I must live in.

Please begin practicing having conversations with your loved ones; about race in America, about systemic oppression, about institutional racism, and about the necessity for reform within America’s prison system. I advise you to be vigilant and primarily seek information from sources that have been vetted and approved by black people. Please watch Ava Duvernay’s “13th” on Netflix for salient talking points to sticky subjects. Please dare to question the preconceived notions that you think you already know, and when in doubt ask questions. Please hear me when I say that to defend “All Lives Matter” is defending a regime that harms me. There are people in this group, mutual friends of ours, who can offer more clarity about how & why that is the case. You should listen to them. We can all stand to build a growing awareness of each other. Those of you who are able to mentor others through these difficult concepts, I ask you to please make yourselves known. There are friends and loved ones in our lives who need your guidance.

I am continually posting information on my social media (here on FB & in my Insta Stories: @alexmarshallbrown) with resources, knowledge, and actionable steps that can give us purpose through this unconscionable time. I also have book recommendations for how to initiate these conversations with children of any age; 0-99yrs. I can not promise that I’ll be actively engaging with it everyday, but I can promise that the information curated there is designed to help.

It scares me to ask for allies among you, because I know that the consequences of my asking will potentially add to my mourning.

Nevertheless, I will be devoting my focus on connecting with allies and assisting them in the education & the recruitment of more allies. So, if you’re picking up what I’m putting down, then you know where to find me.

~Alex Marshall-Brown

-Class of ____. SGA, Vice Chair Judicial Board

Sole candidate for the MLK speech our senior year

2020 Ikigai

Abused by the system.
Advocate for the
Proselytization of Anti-Racism